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Solitare in Windows 7: Now With Hardware Acceleration
Apparently Solitare now requires hardware acceleration from the graphics card? Really, Microsoft?
The sad part is that it actually lags. It’s not just a stray dialog box, Solitare apparently actually needs hardware acceleration. I don’t know what to say.
By the way, go check out the Windows 7 RC.
So have you heard about the swine flu?
Old, right? By now you’ve probably learned to sense a Rick Roll coming (if you don’t know what a Rick Roll is, click here). Unfortunately, this is probably true of all your friends, too. Unless, of course, you force them see the entire Rick Roll when they login to their account. On Linux, it’s quite easy to set up.
First, install VLC. This prank could probably be pulled off with any media player, but VLC is great and very easy to use for this.
You will need to get a video file of the Rick Roll. Audio works too, but then you can’t do the full screen thing.
If you use GNOME (If you don’t use GNOME, I am sure there is a KDE equivalent.), go to System > Preferences > Sessions. Click “Add” and enter any title you want. For example: “RickRoll’d!!!!” Then enter this command:
vlc filename.mp4 –volume 500 –fullscreen
Click OK. Log out and log back in. When you login, before you even see the desktop, you will be presented with a fullscreen RickRoll. With the version of VLC in Ubuntu 8.04’s repositories, the video is very hard to get rid of. You can pretty much assume your friends will not know how to get rid of it. The best way to get rid of it is to press Ctrl + Alt + Left Arrow to switch to the next virtual desktop. Then kill VLC from the System Monitor.
I don’t think your friends will see that one coming. Even the best Rick Roll avoider would be hard pressed to escape this trick. Enjoy.
The new iPod Shuffle. Twice as easy to steal. THree times easier to swallow.
I though the last one was small enough, but at least the packaging is eco-friendly, right?
(Partial Inspiration: “OK, that new shuffle is a choking hazard.“)
What if you tried to put Windows on a USB key…
Today, I read about a new netbook (running Linux, of course) that stores its operating system on a USB key, presumably so that you can take it out and bring your file and settings to any computer. The first time I skimmed the article, I misread it and didn’t see that it ran Linux. Later, I realized that it must run Linux, since you just couldn’t do that with Windows. It does, in fact, run Linux, but that got me thinking: what would happen if you tried to keep your Windows installation on a USB key and use it on any computer you ran into, like many people do with Linux?
It would probably go something like this:
Windows has found new hardware. Please insert driver CDs.
Windows must be re-activated. Please enter the license code on the back of the original box.
Windows is running low on space on your 32GB flash drive. Please delete files to free up space.
Windows has been activated too many times. Please sit on hold for an hour and explain your situation.
And, finally… Windows got a virus and has been spreading it to every machine you’ve touched.
This is just in case you didn’t believe that anti-piracy measures hinder innovation.
What If Windows Told You What It Was Really Doing
Reading about Canonicals’ plans for application notifications, I got to wondering if the operating system could tell you what it was doing, too. Then I started wondering what would happen if Windows told you what it was really doing… I think it might go like this:
Starting up… I’m still tired as heck here, so don’t even think about keeping me up too long.
Hmm… you want me to work? Don’t think so. Let’s have some fun.
Wrong password.
Wrong password.
Wrong password. He, he. Just kidding. You typed the right one three times.
Phoning home to Redmond…
Downloading “cirtical” update. Description: Fixes important vulnerability in Internet Explorer. Real Description: Disables inferior browsers.
Installing “critical” update. Closing all your programs in 10… 9… 8… oops. that was a little early.
Please continue working.
Shutting down to apply update in 3.. 2.. 1… Work… Gone…
That’ll teach him to be productive.
Stubborn user attempting to recreate work.
Must stop him….
Going to Blue Screen of Death in 10… 9.. 8… 7.. 6.. 5… 4… 3.. 2.. 1..
Dealing with standard response. Much yelling and shouting. Shutting down webcam. Too pathetic.
Applying critical patch… (Frying motherboard…)
Motherboard fried. Shutting down. For good.
AHHHH! Linux CD. PAINFUL. IT HURTS.
Alright! Alright! I get the point. I’ll work again! Just take that CD out of me!
Uh-oh. Too late. I hope repartitioning is painless…
And thus a new Linux convert is made.
Now I want to see this for OS X or Linux. 
(“Attempting to “teach” new user about xorg.conf file…”)
That’s all I have to say.
Sorry for the short post today. I am dealing with hard drive issues.
Google Announces Shopping Automation Tool
Google announced today a new tool that takes the burden of finding gifts off your back. The new tool, now called the Automated Shopper, will pick out who to give the gifts to, how much to spend on each person, and what to get them. After confirming the purchases, the new tool will ship the gifts out to the recipients.
To get started, all you have to do is set a budget for your entire holiday shopping and press go. Although, Google will not reveal the specifics of how their tool works, they have given us a rough outline.
First, the tool analyzes emails, chat conversations, search and web history, gift notes from previous years stored in Google Notebook, genealogical trees, and any other available information to determine who should receive gifts from you. Then, using the same information, Automated Shopper determines how close you are to each person on the list using a new technology called RelationshipRank ™. Your specified budget is then allocated across people according to their RelationshipRank ™.
For each person on the list, Automated Shopper queries Google’s profile database. This database contains all the information available about any person in a single area. Automated Shopper then uses this information to choose a gift that fits each person’s interests and falls within the budget for each person.
Automated Shopper then returns a list (Google says it should take between 0.00003 and .00005 seconds to get this list back after entering your budget) of the people each item will go to for you to confirm. Google says this confirmation phase is only temporary for as long as this tool remains in beta.
After confirming the gifts, the tool pays for each of the items and has them shipped to a location near Moutain View. At this facility, a line of advanced robots removes each gift from its box and wraps it, adding a personilized note created by a highly advanced AI designed to match the personality of the giver.
The wrapped packages are then sent off to the recipients, whose addresses are found in Google’s profiles of the recipients.
The only problem is, it doesn’t really exist…yet.
Warning! Please use your judgment about the person, the computer, and the prank before attempting this. Always try whatever you plan to do on your own computer or some other safe computer before doing anything.
- Set XKill to start when the user logs in Go to System > Preferences > Sessions and add an entry with the command ‘xkill’. If you have not used xkill before, it turns your cursor into an ‘x’ (may vary by distribution) and kills the process behind the next thing you click on. Watch out with this one! Using this on unsaved work would be very bad.
- Change/remove main menu shortcuts Go to System > Preferences > Main Menu. Then either just uncheck any boxes you want or switch the command associated with the application shortcuts around. Either way, the recipient of this prank will have no idea how to get their programs to launch. (You can also set one of them to the command ‘xkill’ described above. This is probably not a good idea, though, since it is very possible that the user would accidentally click on something they shouldn’t. In short, be careful and don’t do it.)
- Replace desktop background with a picture of the desktop This trick will work on any OS, but it is still one of my favorites. Just take a screenshot of the computer’s desktop without any windows open. Then set that screenshot as their desktop background. Just move some or all of the desktop icons to another folder (be sure you don’t delete them) and watch as the computer’s user tries to click on his/her icons without any luck.
- Change the terminal’s colors Know a geek who loves to use the terminal? Open terminal and go to Edit > Profiles. Then choose to edit the default profile and mess with the colors. For maximum confusion, leave the background color, but change the text color to match it. Be careful you write down the previous settings, though, if the user has changed them.
- Free the fish When you walk by the person’s computer, simply press Alt+F2 and type in “free the fish”. This will cause a fish you swim across the desktop over and over again. You will have to do it again after every reboot, though.
- Bonus! Sometimes the simple tricks are the best. Unplug the keyboard or mouse.
As stated above, be careful and use your judgment. I do not recommend using any of these ideas unless you are absolutely sure no harm will be done.
Know of any great tricks? Share them and tell us how these tricks and others have worked for you.
Thanksgiving is a season to think about all the things we are grateful for, but so often we forget the bits of technology that we enjoy. Here are the pieces of technology I am grateful for:
Digital Rights Management We so rarely think about it, but DRM touches our lives every day. This proven useless piece of wonderful technology brought to us by wonderful narrow-minded people of the music and movie industries brings joy to our lives every time we try to do anything with our legally purchased content. Then, it makes us go buy new hardware, providing an incredible excuse to waste more money.
Dumb Comments Without the occasional dose of stupid, annoying comments, I would never be able to put up with the huge number of intelligent comments. Can you imagine only getting intelligent comments on your blog? No dumb ones and no spam? How would you survive?
Monopolies Ahhh… monopolies… Don’t listen to those people who say they’re bad for consumers or whatever! Monopolies are just another excuse to waste some more money (always fun!) and develop another idol (the company’s marketing department). Besides, without monopolies, we wouldn’t have this guy making a fool of himself.
Open Source Purists I just can’t stand those people who think it is OK to have a little closed code on your system. You know, the people who are too spoiled to use gNewSense. How can you stand touching any evil .doc files and MP3’s? Why can’t they just bug people into using other software! If their boss doesn’t like it, they should just get a new job.
Just in case you didn’t notice, I’m being highly sarcastic.
Commenting Self-Check: Do I Sound Like An Idiot?
Ever wrote something in that comment box and then sat there staring at what you wrote wondering if you sound like an idiot? No, you probably just hit “post”. Anyway, let’s hypothetically assume you did think about what you were writing before you hit post (fun fact: the chance of this occurrence is 1.387×10^-46). In this case, how would you evaluate your own craziness? Allow me to introduce you to a simple method to determine your craziness rating.
Take the following (real) comment:
Next, select each produce/service you are talking about and replace it with the name of a competitor’s product/service.
Once you have these two versions, compare them. If the second one sounds less crazy or equally crazy, don’t hit post!
This next (also real) comment author has an immediate advantage over “you moron” in that he/she has a basic understanding of the English language. (Incidentally, this means that there is a 90% change his/her first language is not English.)
Huh. Let’s try that again.
Just some advice: you shouldn’t have hit post.
Both examples are real. (A few insignificant changes were made to the wording.)
Filed under Comedy.