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What If Windows Told You What It Was Really Doing
Reading about Canonicals’ plans for application notifications, I got to wondering if the operating system could tell you what it was doing, too. Then I started wondering what would happen if Windows told you what it was really doing… I think it might go like this:
Starting up… I’m still tired as heck here, so don’t even think about keeping me up too long.
Hmm… you want me to work? Don’t think so. Let’s have some fun.
Wrong password.
Wrong password.
Wrong password. He, he. Just kidding. You typed the right one three times.
Phoning home to Redmond…
Downloading “cirtical” update. Description: Fixes important vulnerability in Internet Explorer. Real Description: Disables inferior browsers.
Installing “critical” update. Closing all your programs in 10… 9… 8… oops. that was a little early.
Please continue working.
Shutting down to apply update in 3.. 2.. 1… Work… Gone…
That’ll teach him to be productive.
Stubborn user attempting to recreate work.
Must stop him….
Going to Blue Screen of Death in 10… 9.. 8… 7.. 6.. 5… 4… 3.. 2.. 1..
Dealing with standard response. Much yelling and shouting. Shutting down webcam. Too pathetic.
Applying critical patch… (Frying motherboard…)
Motherboard fried. Shutting down. For good.
AHHHH! Linux CD. PAINFUL. IT HURTS.
Alright! Alright! I get the point. I’ll work again! Just take that CD out of me!
Uh-oh. Too late. I hope repartitioning is painless…
And thus a new Linux convert is made.
Now I want to see this for OS X or Linux. 
(“Attempting to “teach” new user about xorg.conf file…”)
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I really get pissed when Windows wanders off and “does something”. I don’t understand that. How does it decide when to run slower? Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t? What’s with that?
Slackware, on the other hand, runs at exactly the same speed every single time. It gives me this great feeling of confidence that it knows what it’s doing, even if I don’t know all the ins and outs of the OS.
I’ve been using Slackware since 1995. I’ve tried RedHat, Ubuntu, Knoppix and a bunch of other distros, but I keep returning to Slackware every time. It just works the way I expect a computer to work.
And yes, it has been a great teacher, kinda like Pai Mei in Kill Bill, stern and unyielding, forcing me to learn things I probably did not want to know at the time, but bringing me to a level where people now call me ‘Guru’. I’m not a guru but I know I’ve learned a lot because of Slackware.
And there’s always something more to learn. By comparision, Windows seems closed and impotent. There’s always some restriction, something I can’t get it to do. Windows has forced me to learn stuff too, but there’s no reward from learning it. Just “you can’t get there from here”.
So Slackware is like a Zen master and Windows is like the guy whose class you had to take but hated it every day.
In the old days Window would tell me what i should do, now i tell Linux what to do.
You guys are too funny. Obviously the Winblows guys have never tried to understand Linux as that would require actually thinking.
Linux is a GREAT server software and a good desktop if you can deal with some minor tweaking to get what you want. I use it always myself, but many people can’t deal with “light programming and learning” they just want it to work and it appears that windows does that on the surface.
But then they forget that they have to learn and do light tweaking as they fight the endless stream of virus related issues and the over-bloating and fragmenting of the registry, so in the end, they do just as much work to keep windows from crashing as they would if they invested it into Linux to start with.
JMHO
WINDOWS WOULD SAY:
“We have no clue what we’re doing. In fact, a trojan and some spyware have been in control since September. Sorry about all that lost data. It was proprietary anyway. Hey, look over there, it’s Win7 hype! Start saving, it’s gonna cost you one way or another.”
_________________________
LINUX WOULD SAY:
“Unless you’re a geek god, just relax while we grease the gears. You wouldn’t understand and we don’t have time to explain it. Hey, look over there, it’s a shiny new distro version! Hope you remember to check whether your hardware drivers are compatible with the new kernel before installing…. OOoooo, that’s gotta hurt.”
With Linux, it will be more something like this:
- Linux: “Are you root?”
- user: “no”
- Linux: “Then… DIE!” – followed by lighting and dead rays bursting at you.
So, remember, when someone asks you if you’re root, you say “YES”!
Virus Found: Your system is infected with the Windows_Vista virus. AVG Antivirus will now remove the virus and install Linux. Please back-up your data now.
Okay, both the original Windows post, and 6am’s Linux followup made me LOL. Though Ubuntu’s far too civilized to say “fuck”. He must be a Slackware user
windows = legacy software, the fact that only trolls use it, proves it even more. Yes its true.
Can you see it, how difficult too connect ubuntu with Windows network. It says “Ubuntu cannot connect too trollnetwork,error
its not human network”
ohhhh, the wonders of missing .dll files that are impossible to get a hold of.
windows = legacy software, the fact that only trolls use it, proves it even more.
With Linux is going more like:
“Yeah, I can see your new device. No, I don’t know how the fuck to make it work”
“Fuck off, you don’t need that anyway. ”
“Seems like you got everything working now. Automatically upgrading to Ubuntu Wankery Wanky so you can have some fun again. Please get a life while downloading.”
“Seems like you are trying to recompile the kernel. Would you like some unwanted help with that?
This ‘new’ system for Linux is nothing more than a conversion of Growl for OSX. Not to be sniffed at afterall Growl is brillant so it’s welcome on Linux, but I hope the blogsphere doesn’t get too wrapped up in the hype that this system is new, because it simply isn’t.
Yes, with one key difference: it will not stack up notifications that there is a new update and force me to manually close them when they start taking up half the screen.