Reading about Canonicals’ plans for application notifications, I got to wondering if the operating system could tell you what it was doing, too. Then I started wondering what would happen if Windows told you what it was really doing… I think it might go like this:

Starting up… I’m still tired as heck here, so don’t even think about keeping me up too long.

Hmm…  you want me to work? Don’t think so. Let’s have some fun.

Wrong password.

Wrong password.

Wrong password. He, he. Just kidding. You typed the right one three times.

Phoning home to Redmond…

Downloading “cirtical” update. Description: Fixes important vulnerability in Internet Explorer. Real Description: Disables inferior browsers.

Installing “critical” update. Closing all your programs in 10… 9… 8… oops. that was a little early.

Please continue working.

Shutting down to apply update in 3.. 2.. 1… Work… Gone…

That’ll teach him to be productive.

Stubborn user attempting to recreate work.

Must stop him….

Going to Blue Screen of Death in 10… 9.. 8… 7.. 6.. 5… 4… 3.. 2.. 1..

Dealing with standard response. Much yelling and shouting. Shutting down webcam. Too pathetic.

Applying critical patch… (Frying motherboard…)

Motherboard fried. Shutting down. For good.

AHHHH! Linux CD. PAINFUL. IT HURTS.

Alright! Alright! I get the point. I’ll work again! Just take that CD out of me!

Uh-oh. Too late. I hope repartitioning is painless…

And thus a new Linux convert is made.

Now I want to see this for OS X or Linux. (“Attempting to “teach” new user about xorg.conf file…”)